So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
