If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Randomize
