You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
