Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Quick, to the slutcave!
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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