He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
