you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize