Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
