You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
