Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
