my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
