Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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