Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
