420 ftw
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
the room spins SO much faster in panama
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
