We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
