He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
