the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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