I need to stop coming to work sober
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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