do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
