I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
