i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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