please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
