Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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