come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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