It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
