I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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