my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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