please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
