singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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