you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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