and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
