Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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