i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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