So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
