I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
