it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I still have a little drunk in my system
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
