Already got asked if we're dating
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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