he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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