I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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