you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
