i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
