yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
