so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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