When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
worst night to have a conscience
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
