I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
