yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
