There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
