She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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