How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
