Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
