I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
