I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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