She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
