I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
