DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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