how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
