paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
