Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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