god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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