real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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