what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
