I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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