everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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