I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
