Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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