Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
