Can i not drive my cunt home
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
