So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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