Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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