I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
