ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
